Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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