I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
