My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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