It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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