i think my tv is drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
