i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
