I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
