mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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