You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
