my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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