Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
