I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
