just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
