woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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