i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
