I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just gargled with NyQuil
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
