not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Randomize
