I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
