tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
