1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
