I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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