I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
