Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
