Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
