You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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