I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
