I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
