i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
