dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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