take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
