just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I smell stomach acid.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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