Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
