i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
