I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
