Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
