i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
