I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
