Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
