my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
