Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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