Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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