Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
