You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
