Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I puked a lego.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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