I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
