TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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