You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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