This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
