I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
