I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
