Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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