i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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